Flash Me, Part Two: Fists Full of Offal
Yes, that was a line from one of them.
New awards:
First place: a story from the point of view of an eggplant. I shit you not.
Second place: how-to guide for being a good pet; reads like an adaptation of an email joke; POV = cat. THE HELL, PEOPLE?!
Third place: crappy assassin story. Final line: "The French. They are always so emotional."
I’ve also read some overly sexy sex, some very disturbing rape scenes, an account of physical love with a doughnut, and a cybersex story: “Her mind had been pried open and licked until it screamed.” But wait; there’s more! A man accidentally comes on to a nun! An account of a third-grade gang rape! A planned suicide, dated 2025! A son defiles his molesting father’s skeleton! A stalker throws a Cadbury egg at her object of affection! A garden spider kills a bride by sucking her blood, vampire-style! A robin is a robot (or is implanted with a microprocessor)! Bum versus highball! D & D gets sexified! A naked, spooning hitchhiker! Actually, that last one wasn’t too bad.
Cover letters have also been interesting. There have been two letters so far wherein the authors misspelled enclosed and wrote their titles incorrectly.
One to "Dear Sirs" (no men on the editorial board, right?)
One to "Mr. Anthony" (sorry – who?)
One to "Sirs/Mesdames"
Perhaps more to come.
New awards:
First place: a story from the point of view of an eggplant. I shit you not.
Second place: how-to guide for being a good pet; reads like an adaptation of an email joke; POV = cat. THE HELL, PEOPLE?!
Third place: crappy assassin story. Final line: "The French. They are always so emotional."
I’ve also read some overly sexy sex, some very disturbing rape scenes, an account of physical love with a doughnut, and a cybersex story: “Her mind had been pried open and licked until it screamed.” But wait; there’s more! A man accidentally comes on to a nun! An account of a third-grade gang rape! A planned suicide, dated 2025! A son defiles his molesting father’s skeleton! A stalker throws a Cadbury egg at her object of affection! A garden spider kills a bride by sucking her blood, vampire-style! A robin is a robot (or is implanted with a microprocessor)! Bum versus highball! D & D gets sexified! A naked, spooning hitchhiker! Actually, that last one wasn’t too bad.
Cover letters have also been interesting. There have been two letters so far wherein the authors misspelled enclosed and wrote their titles incorrectly.
One to "Dear Sirs" (no men on the editorial board, right?)
One to "Mr. Anthony" (sorry – who?)
One to "Sirs/Mesdames"
Perhaps more to come.
posted by Liz at
9:52 PM
2 Comments:
Offal indeed.
There has to be a way to combine these. An assassin who sex with a doughnut and a nun and joins forces with a robot bird and hitchhikes across the nation to kill his molesting father and attend the national D & D convention. All from the point of view of an eggplant.
By
Chad, at 10:41 PM
Chad, if you write that, you might get first place. Ohhh, but you missed the deadline. Rules is rules.
By
Liz, at 12:01 PM
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